Bitch, Where's My Hat?
by TheStrangeFreakyMentalWriter
Summary: Not really sure what would happen if Red lost something he held dear. So I took a guess. Read and Review.


Another day, another lassie banged. Red took notice that the woman was still there. Out of habit, when mostly the girl is found laying over him, and so badly needs a piss. Pushed her off. Soon seeing it was that bimbo . . . Ginger . . . Candy . . . Danielle? Oh, wait, it was Stacy . . . his _girlfriend_.

"Oh, well, thanks for a great night . . . Victoria?" Red muttered as he headed for the bathroom.

Barely out of ear shot, Stacy muses out. "Harder, Oh-yes, go Steven." Before once more rolling over again, hugging a bed post.

Once Red was ever-so gladly done draining his log. He prepped himself to see his sexy self that oh-so wonderful mirror always gave him. To whatever day he was having, a great fuck or not.

"Well hello there good look . . . "

Words froze. Eyes wide along with mouth. His shiny clone must have pulled a fast one on him.

"Very funny, sexy me." Red said, shaking off what he saw, opening the mirror cover for some mouthwash. Closing it when he chugged a good amount and raised with some, spitting it into the sink. Grin still in place. "Okay, mister sexy, let's try that one more . . . " The words came to stepping halt.

It had to oddly be a bad dream. He did have some dumpster burritos before going to see . . . whatever her name was. Just a bad dream. A very bad dream. Going through with it without thinking, bashed his head against the sink. Leaving it cracked and his head bleeding. But Red's eyes focus on the top of his head that rested on his shoulders.

Anger rushed through his body. Eyes hardening with rage. Steam pooled out his ears. Not knowing he ripped the sink from where it was once stalled and through to the nearest wall by him. That went through another wall. And another. Then a window.

Crashing down to the ground.

An elderly man, no doubt Mr. Dingleberry, moaned in pain when the sink crushed him.

Red jumped through the first hole, looking around the apartment. Tossing the place into worst condition than it already was. Leaping through next hole. His room. Without another thought in his mind. Shambled his room.

Giving less of a care as he fling everything out his way. Including his latest laid out the window of his room. Not taking in the mushroom cloud that formed outside from all the hand grenades, blades, gasoline bottles, C4, Stacy, and who-knows-what else over a car that exploded in the impact.

Not bothering to jump the next hole. Seeing it only lead to the hallways of the apartment complex.

But the kitchen wasn't going to quickly be missed, soon ending up like the rest of the apartment.

There was one last room to check. Blue's room. Red's roommate and so-to-be-dead friend if he was the one that touched his glory.

"Blue!"

The name came out as if the belly of hell's fire was calling out to said person.

Red busted down the door with strongest kick, tearing the door into splinters as they fell to the ground. Red's eyes landed on his roommate. Sleeping. With headphones on to most likely drown out any unwanted noise.

For a moment Red did a one-eighty when saying. "Aw, look at the little angel. Sleeping away." Finally coming back with the sounds of a demon along with him as he spoke. "Only means he did it! Kill!"

Red jumped Blue. Awaken from his sleep, headphones pulled away from Blue, shocking him when seeing a crazed Red attacking him. Able to pull an arm away from Red's mouth when he was about to bite it.

"Dude! Red, what's wrong with you? Are you drunk again?" Blue asked, moving off and away from his bed, with Red still standing on it, very ape like.

"You! You did it didn't you! Fucker!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, playing innocence. I see how it is." Red slowly stated, to himself mostly, etching over to Blue's desk. Quickly pulling out a crossbow.

"The hell man . . . "

Blue ducked fast when an arrow came at him.

"Where is it? Bitch!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Ass Liar!"

"What?"

A set of arrow shots aimed wildly at Blue, able to miss some, having on shot in his left arm.

"Fuck man . . . Red, take it . . . "

"Easy is for virgins!" Red screamed as he fired wildly about Blue's room.

Blue was able to make it out of his room and run. Running that was far from Red. Who wasn't that far behind.

"Bitch, tell me!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about!" Blue yelled back, zooming down the stairs the fastest he could, looking behind him seeing that Red was using the handlebar to glide after him. The crossbow still firing as crazy as the shooter was.

Reaching the last step, sliding on the loose rug, making him land on his ass. But Blue quickly got back on his feet, slamming the back door of the complex. Looking around for something to block the door. Upon only finding a long, thick, steel rod. Using the wall of another building. Jamming the rod between the door and wall. Running away. Hoping his attempt would buy him some time.

Patterning his legs for his car keys. Only to find his car was nothing but a burning pile of rubble.

"Red."

A sudden crash.

"You called bitch!"

Blue wasted no time and just ran. Dodging anyway he could. Cars, street signs, chairs, umbrellas, even people. If needed that is.

"Really, Red, what did I do?" Blue panted, having it echoed as he hid in a trash can, taking a risky peak with rising the lid to see if Red was near.

Only finding the city was ungodly torched. Post-apocalyptic torched to the ground.

"Blue! Where are yaw buddy?" Red called out to him, now having a Tommy Gun in one hand and a flamethrower in the other, instead of a crossbow.

Blue shut the lid when Red near where he hid. Soon hearing the footsteps going away. Once more Blue peaked out.

A battle cry was heard, knocking the trash can around. And who was in it. Blue landed on his back with the trash over him, lid gone with nothing but ground under him.

"Oh, man . . . " Blue started out with but stop when his hand grazed something.

Red army march over to the toss-up garbage can, weapons ready, leaving soon with only enough space for one of Red's legs to rest against the front side of the can.

"End of the line, Blueballs."

Kicking the can away, weapons set, but did nothing when seeing there was only an open hole of where a manhole cover once was.

Red fired madly of this result, jumping down the hole and into the sewers, howling deeply.

"I'll find you! Blue! Bitch!"

Taking a random tunnel.

Elsewhere. Blue hid at the mall, that so far wasn't in pieces, but with how Red was it was an only a matter of time. Maybe Pink, his girlfriend could fill him on the hell was going on. Wasting no time, went into search for her.

"I always thought he would snap." Pink stated, as she and Blue were on her coffee break.

Blue crossed his arms, laying his head down on them, eyes lingering on the table's faint drip strains.

"Not helping." Blue started out with, looking back up at her before saying. "I mean it, Pink, half the city is in shambles, more than usual. Lot of people are dead now. And Red is way, way, way more madder than how he is sometimes. And I'm being blame for it!" Blue ended with a sign, seeing that took a lot out of him, shortly adding. "I have no idea what I did or why he's mad."

"Must be his time of the month or something."

"Again, not helping."

Pink shrugged, then added. "This is, Red we're talking about here. He normally goes into these, right?"

"Yeah and I then I find him dead drunk in a bar."

"Just give it time. Oh, I got that call for you. They said about any hour . . . "

"ASS BITCH AZULE!"

"I gotta go." Blue told Pink quickly, giving her a short kiss, and went back running for his life.

"Bye!"

Red suddenly fell from the ceiling, hovering a few inches away from the table, axe ready to strike in one hand, the other pointing to Pink. Who with the most, relaxing mood, pushed it away from her face for being too close.

"What do you want, Red?" She asked, taking a sip from her coffee, not wanting it to go cold.

"YOU! PINK ASS CLAP OF ONCE BUDDY OF THEE! WHERE IS HE?"

She rolled her eyes, gave a shrug, and pointed in a random direction.

In another part of the mall, Blue speedily walked through the halls of the mall. Now and then glancing at the clocks that hanged about the mall. Really wishing some zombies, aliens, or something eat him or anything to get away from Red.

An hour to go was all Blue knew at this moment. An hour that might just save his ass. Turning quickly into a random shop. Slamming the door, flipping the sign from open to close, as he took the farthest seat away from the shop's windows.

"Mr. Blue?"

The voice asked sharply, making Blue almost jump out of his color and lose his head. Turning to see the shopkeeper.

"Yes, ma'am."

She nodded her head, moved to the back of her shop, and coming back with a box. Holding out to him.

"Here you go. That'll be thirty dollars."

Blue nodded and reached for the money. Pausing for a moment when hearing screams of terror.

"Ah, thanks. Keep the change!"

And so repeated what he has done most of the day so far. Barely making out the mall when it blew up.

"BITCH, WHERE'S MY HAT?"

Blue screeched his foot work to a halt, glancing at the box, rolling his eyes.

"Really?"

Heaving a disputable groan with a heated sign to calm himself.

"Hey Red!"

Smoke covered the area, making those near by fall away and cough from the heavy dust cloud. When cleared enough, a crater was soon seen in the middle of the street.

"TIGHT ASS OF SUCKNESS AND DORKNESS. YOU FINALLY COME TO FACE YOUR FATE, I SEE." The voice boomed at Blue.

To which only got a tired glare at it. Not even flinching when having a sword mere-inches from his face. Looking up from the ground he sat upon from the boom. Holding the box in front of him.

Red glared hard down on Blue.

"You're such a drama queen." Blue told him, pushing the sword out of his face as he started to stand.

"Do not dare to mock me, infinity human."

"I'll mock you anyway I please. Seeing that's what friends to each other. Or at least when the other one is not trying to kill the other. You retard!" Blue telling Red, finishing off by tossing the box at him. "I'm going home, if it's still standing that is. Happy Awesome Friend Day."

Red look down at the box that was through at him. Dropping the axe that bounce off the ground, soaring through the air, landing on man, who was trying to dragged himself away from the crater. Only to lose his head.

Red picked up the box, opening it. It was it hat!

"Oh baby you're back to daddy! Oh how I missed you!" Red said with glee, rubbing his cheek against the fabric, soon happily placing it on his head once more.

But then it dawned on him, something was different.

Back at the apartment, Blue tried to clean up most the apartment, giving up in the end. Stomping back to his room. Shutting his door, after he place a sign on the knob that said for others not to bother him.

Crashing on his bed, finding his headphones once more, having the classics calm him. Along with a book in hand.

"Geez. Last time I do a random act of kindness for him." Blue said to himself, but gave a sigh, rubbing his eyes that gave him a dulling ache, as he also added. "Not really his fault though." Glancing up at his ceiling, glaring to the heavens, blaming them.

And if his eyes could see through the clouds, the heavens would just be giving a shrug, not even themselves could give him an answer.

Shaking his head, going back to his book. Seeing that Blue wasn't going to get his unsaid question answered.

Only to have door shake with heavy pounding on the other side.

He gave a groan, putting his things away, before going to answer the door.

"What Red?"

"Thanks. Loser. I'm going out drinking! Bye!"

Blue tried to keep a light smile from forming on his face. But eyes went wide when hearing the next words.

"Just make sure no one touches that hat. It's a waste of money if it get's torn up again!"

"Right! Whatever! Drinking, drinking, drinking . . . "

A slam was heard from the door.

"Why am I friends with him?"

"CAUSE I"M AWESOME, BI-"

The End.


End file.
